Built Dffrnt: The Humble Warrior

The Humble Warrior

On ego, a list I never should have made, and the flaming sword that cuts away what needs it most.

“It’s hard to be humble when you’re as great as I am.” Muhammad Ali said that with a grin.

Kid Rock put it in work boots: “It ain’t talkin’ sh*t if you can back it up.” Confidence you can back up is a gift. Ego is the version that cannot take a hit.

I have a little Ali in me. Not the boxing, the talking. I like being right. Growing up in construction and a tough inner-city school, I learned to fight, physically, mentally, and verbally. Being right was how you protected yourself. But life and business do not work if people do not love being around you. Just ask Harmony.

A while back I walked into a couples’ coaching session with a list. An actual list of everything she had done wrong. The coach let me finish, then said the thing I cannot unhear.

THE COUPLES’ COACH

“You can be right, or you can be relational. AIN’T NOBODY INNOCENT. And even if you win this battle, don’t you really lose?”

I had cataloged every speck in her eye with a plank in my own. “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but miss the plank in your own?” (Matthew 7:3). I had the list backwards. We all do.

Ego is sneaky. It feels like strength and works like a slow leak.

The tell is free: the second you are blaming or justifying, that is ego at the wheel. I did not walk into that room feeling like an egomaniac. I walked in feeling right.

THE FLAMING SWORD

On Lex Fridman’s podcast, Jordan Peterson unpacked an old image. When Adam and Eve leave Eden, God sets cherubim with flaming swords at the gate. Why a sword? “A sword is a symbol of judgment and the separation of the wheat from the chaff.”

A flaming sword does not just carve, it burns, and it “carves away everything about you that isn’t perfect.” Standing in front of that blade on purpose, Peterson said, is humility. You “die a little bit instead of dying completely,” letting the part of you that needs to go, go, before it costs you everything.

That is the going-in. Not the pep talk. The blade.

Every one of us has a part that needs it: the need to be right, the grudge, the guy with the list. Ego is the thing that refuses to walk up and look. This is why our standard is warrior spirit AND servant’s heart. The strongest people I know are the fastest to say “I was wrong” and “you were right.” On a job site that is not soft, it is speed. Humble teams fix fast, learn fast, and earn the trust that brings the next project and the referral.

EGO

PLAYS TO LOSE

– I, I, I, I.

– Needs to be right more than effective.

– Hides the mistake, protects the image.

– Takes the credit, dodges the blame.

– Stops learning the day it “arrives.”

HUMILITY

PLAYS TO WIN

– We, we, we, we.

– Wants to get it right, not be right.

– Owns the mistake first, and fast.

– Gives the credit, carries the blame.

– Stays a student for life.

One of the bravest things a leader says is not a battle cry. It is three quiet words that put the other person first, and they take more strength than any of the loud ones.

You Were Right…

"I was wrong" is humble.

"I was wrong, you were right" is humble and generous.

Say it fast.

So here is me, going first.

I am still the guy who walks in with a list, and I am working on all of this right next to you. This week I am going back to a couple of conversations I “won” to say the three words out loud: you were right. We are a team, and we get stronger every time one of us is brave enough to stand in front of the blade. Be relational, not just right. Choose the person. Choose the mission.

Let’s get after it in life, family, and business. AND LET’S PLAY TO WIN!!!

Lots of love, Nate