The *sshole at my Table
You can’t pick who sits at your table. You CAN pick what you focus on. On Epictetus, faith over fear, and how a bad table becomes your best client.
But I played it different. When somebody sat down with a chip on their shoulder, I made it a game: by the time you leave, you are going to be smiling, and you are going to tip me well. My tables were happy because I decided they would be.
Night after night I watched the same people draw the same "unlucky" tables, and it hit me. The table was never the variable. They were.
Epictetus · the Enchiridion
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.”
Some things are up to you. Some things are not. You cannot control who sits at your table, on a Friday night or a job site. You can control how you show up, and deeper than that, the one lever almost nobody pulls on purpose: what you choose to focus on.
Here is the catch. We are hardwired to hunt for threats. A hundred thousand years ago the one scanning for the lion outlived the one admiring the sunset, so we all carry his brain. Left on autopilot, that wiring finds an *sshole at every table. It finds what is wrong with the client, the sub, the day. Choosing the other focus does not happen by accident. You have to pick it, on purpose, every morning. Faith over fear.
- Blaming the table: the sub, the client, the market.
- Scanning for the threat, scoring what’s wrong.
- Letting the weather or a bad mood pick your attitude.
- Waiting for a better table before you bring it.
- Courage to own your attitude of mind.
- Where you aim your focus and energy.
- Your word and your character strength.
- How you respond, and who you build up.
Treat the table like a threat and you will find more threats. Treat it like a game to win, and watch what shows up. Same with life. Same, I believe, with God: come to Him grateful for what you were handed, or angry about it. Guess which one grows.
What you focus on grows.
Gratitude is not soft. It is a decision about where you aim.
You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.
- Marcus Aurelius
And some days the only thing to be grateful for is that you get to learn and grow from it, that this hard table is making you wiser and stronger for the people who count on you: your family, your friends, your team. That is enough. That is always enough.
Faith over fear is bigger than pretending the schedule isn’t slipping. You look straight at what is real, own your part, then choose where to aim. Seneca said it plain: “we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” Most of what we dread was never going to happen, or was never ours to carry.
Let's sit with this:
Catch yourself blaming the table.
This week, when it goes sideways, the sub, the inspector, the client, the market, notice the reflex to scan for the threat. Then get honest and ask:
- Do I want to be Mr. or Mrs. Negative, playing small for my dreams and the people I love?
- Even in a struggle, can I reframe it as a leadership challenge to grow?
- Where can I improve my game on the inside, in my mind or my heart, if I want to win more?
You will win a lot more the day you stop giving your power away and play the game of life!
Phase 2 is the inner work, and it starts here: you cannot pick your table, but you can always pick your focus. Choose faith over fear, choose gratitude, and watch what grows. Bring the fire. Let’s get after it in life, family, and business. AND LET’S PLAY TO WIN!!!
Lots of love, Nate
