Built Dffrnt: Week 15 – Death and Life

Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue

It’s not just your words. It’s the energy you bring. Positive or negative. Up or down.

Years ago, working for the hospital, we had a board member, a tough-as-nails, wise woman from a Midwest ranching family. She listened to me for a while. Then she said, “Nate, you’re only as big as your smallest problem.” It landed like a mule kick to the gut. In one sentence, she showed me that my complaining and criticizing wasn’t leadership. It was playing small.

THE BIBLE · PROVERBS 18:21

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue.”

Not a metaphor. The words you repeat become the life you build, and the team you build. Solomon wrote it 3,000 years ago and it has never stopped being true. Here’s what I keep coming back to. It’s more than the words you use. It’s the tone, the energy, what you carry into the room. People feel it before you ever open your mouth. You’re either bringing it UP or bringing it down. There’s no neutral.

“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

Socrates and Nietzsche

So I keep it simple. Three targets to aim for:

Build People Up. Leave people and the room better than you found them.
Warrior Spirit. Lead with “We can,” “We will,” “We love to.”
Cut “try,” “maybe,” and “have to.”
Future Focus. Lead long-term positive solutions vs. Admiring problems

Henry Ford said it as plainly as anyone (some put it on Abe Lincoln too): the man who says he can, and the man who says he can’t, are both usually right. Raising my kids, it was three words: Can’t never could.

The second you say you can’t, you’ve made yourself right.

And here’s one more tell, because I know it cold. Some of us hide behind “joking.” The word sarcasm comes from the Greek sarkazein, which literally means to tear the flesh. I have been one of the best in the world at using sarcasm to cover my own insecurity. It feels like humor. It lands like a small cut. And it’s one more window into the hand a person is actually holding.

ONE THING THIS IS NOT

This isn’t about faking it. It takes real courage to tell a teammate when you’re struggling or you need help. That’s not negative, that’s strength. Just notice when it turns into a story you keep telling instead of one you work through. Be very careful of the “sympathetic” person that keeps validating our woes… they might just want you to stay small with them.

THIS WEEK, SIT WITH THIS

Catch your own energy for one day.

I’ll go first. Last week alone, I caught myself twice on a big whiny-ass rant about one person. Playing small instead of leading. This erodes trust in my ability and in the folks around me. So, I’m right here in this exercise with you.

Picture yourself walking out of the locker room for the game of life. Are your thoughts and words charging you UP, or draining you before you even hit the field? And how about our team (life, family, and business is a team sport):

Am I building people up, or playing small?
Are my thoughts and words energizing me and the room, or draining us?
Am I using sarcasm, cynicism, and self-deprecation to protect the small me?

You don’t have to fix it all at once. Just start noticing. Death and life really are in the power of the tongue, and you’re the one holding it.

Let’s get after it in life, family, and business.

Lots of love, Nate

Death and Life are in the Power of the Tongue

The Language You Use.

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